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| "Give me that Oscar, Daniel. I earned it." |
Where would our country be without this brilliant axe. It is rumored that in Abraham Lincoln's emancipation proclamation, he was actually try to give rights to axes and not the slaves. This Lincoln biopic brilliantly portrays the love of a man for his killing weapon and all of the difficulties that his marriage suffered as a result of this affair. The sex scene between Lincoln and the axe is particularly moving.
The Bow from The Hunger Games
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| I bet Meryl Streep can't shoot a bow. |
The Bow had a pretty good year this year. It got to kill children in Brave, be used in an archery contest in The Avengers and kill aliens in The Hunger Games. I think the killing children was my favorite though cause you can't outrun a bow, but it was fun to see the children try. They are making another Hunger Games movie that comes out this year and in it they should have like a double bow that can shoot 2 arrows. Imagine how many aliens Katniss could kill with that.
Daniel Day Lewis' Beard from Lincoln
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| Where's my f****** milkshake? |
Daniel Day Lewis originally wanted to play the part of Lincoln without the beard. He wanted to have Lincoln sport a Hitler mustache as a commentary on Lincoln's politics. Spielberg, however, didn't bite cause for some reason he dislikes Germans. We the audience are the winner of this refusal by Spielberg. I think my favorite scene is where Lincoln drinks the blood of Robert E. Lee, and as it drips down his beard he shouts, I DRINK YOUR BLOOD!!! I DRINK IT UP!!! Powerful stuff.
Stripper Poop from Ted
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| "How hard is it to find a picture of poop on the internet?" |
Other critics have labeled this performance as a "steaming pile" and "kinda corny", but I found it to be nutty, in the best way possible, and its' delivery and timing was nothing short of smooth. This layered performance has set the standard for when poo is portrayed on screen, every copycat that follows it will have to settle for number 2.
Surgery Machine from Prometheus
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| The future of circumcision |
This surgery machine can do anything, even though its custom built for a man, it is capable of performing a pap smear and hearing about how your friend from work didn't like your shoes. There are only a few of them in the world and they cost like 18 dollars, which is a lot since in the future they finally manage to reverse inflation, except the word they use is unflation.
USS Missouri from Battleship
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| Where do the pegs go? |
The USS Missouri is a real ship that survived like the Civil War or something. You would think that it wouldn't work properly, having sat tied to the shore for 350 years, but you would be wrong. At a moment's notice and with the help of dozens of octogenarians, the ship is thrust into an alien war that it does not agree with. The inner struggle of the ship is evident, especially when it preforms the single greatest stunt in the history of the ocean, pulled in one direction by its desire to kill aliens and in another by its love of the land.
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